AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
do nipples grow back?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
