The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
