come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
