Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
