can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
