Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
