the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
