you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
