You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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