A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
