I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
