I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
