I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
