i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
