I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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