are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
