if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
