We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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