Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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