i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
