Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
