you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
