and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
