hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
