she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
