I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
