is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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