When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
