I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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