Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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