if you like me you must not know who I am
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
