I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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