Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
