Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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