How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
