There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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