Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
