i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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