Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
