you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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