So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
