Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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