Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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