hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
