whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
