Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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