when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
