just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
