was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
