He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
