My cat gives me a boner
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
